Over the past hundred years, we have been conditioned to think of ourselves as responsible industrious citizens when we make time for all things official. We easily take time from family for important meetings, urgent conference calls, networking events and so on. But we find it more difficult to take time from work for interesting movies, going to the museum, walking by the beach, meditation and so on. This oddly dichotomous behavior is so ingrained in our consciousness that we don't even realize it. We divide life into compartments such as personal and professional lives when it's really referring to the same person.
A field guide to happiness
Happiness has a real simple formula. It's got nothing to do with what we possess but everything to do with what we experience (sometimes with what we possess). When we get over our mental hang-ups, we eventually gravitate towards doing things versus owning things. Desmond Morris who studies animal behavior puts it well in his 1977 classic, Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behavior. If we could return, by time machine, to an early cave-dwelling, we would no doubt hear the same kind of laughter, see the same kind of facial expressions, and witness the same sorts of quarrels, love affairs, acts of parental devotion and friendly co-operation as we do today. We may have advanced with abstraction and artifaction, but our urges and our actions are probably much the same. When examined closely, technology can usually be found to be serving one or other of our ancient action-patterns. The television set, for example, is a miracle of artifaction, but what do we see on it? Mostly we watch simulations of the quarrels, love affairs, parental devotion, and other age-old action patterns. Even in our TV armchairs we are still men of action, if only at second hand.
Regardless of our advances as a society, we love to do the same things that we used to do as neanderthals. We dance, run, swim, have sex, eat, talk, fight and laugh. These things make us happy.
A really simple exercise
When you distill your experiences to the essentials (whether it's during a single day or a period of time), you'll come up with the same 4 or 5 things that excite you. Things that engage you and make you lose track of time...make you happy. I've conducted a simple exercise with several people to help them discover what they LOVE. I simply have them ask themselves: What do I really love? People love the most random things when not under self-created pressure: to listen to people, to trek, to share knowledge, to play table-tennis, to negotiate, to create, to read and so on. It ALWAYS ties to their natural talents and is invariably action-oriented. In fact, people are so sure about what they love (when asked) that they can easily prioritize amongst what they love more and what they love less.
Now the problem
The problem is people never ask themselves what they love. Even if they ask, they are too afraid to listen to the answers. Even if they listen, they hesitate to act on it. Even if they do act, they worry about extracting commercial value soon. Finally, they focus on creating material goods that they exchange for time. Then they exchange time to do what they love. It's funny but this is how the cycle goes.
When we actively don't create space in our days for what we love, we resort to distractions that we well know are purposeless but do them anyways. Think smoking, Facebook, TV, the regular drink, checking news websites, coffee, more coffee, LinkedIn updates, phone-a-friend, BBM, Skype, idle office banter, stock prices and several other fillers that help us getaway. How come everything else seems to get our time except what we love?
Eventually, we change our work but end up in the same cycle again until we finally finish up. The problem isn't the work, it's us.
There's time for love
Here's a simple way out. It's so simple that you'll feel silly reading it. Make a short list of things that make you happy. Do them. That's it.
In fact, do them everyday - at least one or more of these. When you act on them, you are happy and your days are more fulfilled. Don't question them. Act in spite of the seeming loss of everything else. There are two ways this would go. You know what you love but don't act and splurge your time on everything else. You know what you love and act on it at the cost of other things. The former will give you momentary practical satisfaction but long-term hell through mediocrity. The latter will give you short-term angst but long-term bliss in having spent your time usefully.
Making space
A friend recently asked me how I compartmentalize my activities (prompting this article). The reality is I don't. All I do is trade every hour carefully with something that I love doing. And when I'm doing that I subtract everything else and create a lot of space around that activity. Whether it's a client phone call or playing with my son or painting or scoping a new market - it's the same for me. I love them all and I create space around it. I don't let my phone, email, Skype, people, Internet dilute this precious space. It's very difficult with our modern day distractions but I constantly try. Creating space around an activity brings greater joy. You are truly respecting the activity or the people associated with it by being fully there. In its own way, it helps you move forward with ease.
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When you ask most people what they want out of life, they say they want to be happy. That's really simple. Find what you love, do it and make space.
